Why I Bought Breaking Vegan
Hi everyone!
It's been quite a while... but I'm back and I want to just give a major shout out to a blogger who I have been admiring for the past two years or so.
Jordan Younger, of The Balanced Blonde, formally known as "The Blonde Vegan," revealed that she was transitioning away from veganism about a year ago.
I won't tell her story for her, but I will say why I chose to write about this.
At the same exact time leading up to Jordan's announcement, I was struggling with my own mentality towards food and fitness. This was nothing new in my life, however, the academic year of 2013-2014 was particularly difficult for me. In the fall, I was addicted to going to the gym.. on Mondays I remember I would go three times. I woke up, went to a yoga class, ate fruit and peanut butter and coffee for breakfast, went to a class titled "Insane Body Challenge" at 11am, then school, ate an apple or orange for a snack...maybe some nuts, then I ended my day with yoga. Sometimes I also played a field hockey game for my intramural team. I was semi-conscious of my evasion of my dorm room. My living space held a lot of negative energy, of which I was constantly trying to rid myself. Sometimes being at the gym was the only thing that made me feel good.
I didn't notice it at first until a couple of people commented on it, but I was losing weight. I wasn't lifting weights or doing much strength training, and I was doing lots of cardio and yoga. I didn't even register, really, that I was losing weight, because for the first time in my life it wasn't my main focus. I was so distracted by other things in my life that I wasn't even paying attention to what my body looked like. However, I was also playing a game with myself that I'm sure many people who have struggled with food have played before. I was testing my limits and seeing how little I could eat while still getting through classes and workouts. I cut out gluten, meat, and all other animal products. I was mostly subsisting on raw fruits and vegetables, nuts, and the occasional bit of chocolate. I wasn't drinking alcohol at all. I essentially stopped going out at night, and instead of staying up until 2am like a normal college student on a Friday night, I went to bed at midnight so I could wake up early and sweat my ass off in a Saturday morning Bikram yoga class.
I felt pretty empty emotionally (and physically). But I also felt good.
Fast forward to Spring 2014. I moved off campus, in a new place, new people, new meal plan. I now had my own kitchen. I could make a smoothie every morning if I wanted! I also began teaching Cardio Kickboxing at my school's Rec Center three times a week. This unexpectedly and drastically changed the way I ate and worked out during the week. I was so exhausted from my own classes, that I barely had time to go to anyone else's classes and I was so hungry! I had to eat more to sustain my energy. I began to put on a lot more muscle in my legs and arms. I began to fall in love with strength training again. I ate more nutrient dense food, more often. I felt bigger, but I also felt stronger, both physically and emotionally. I even drank here and there.
I was still adhering to a vegan/gluten-free diet, but I was telling myself that I wasn't that strict about it anymore. I convinced myself that I wasn't being restrictive in any way, and if I wanted to eat an egg, or a piece of cheese, I would. (I just never wanted to...)
Well on the day that Jordan posted her announcement about transitioning away from veganism, I decided right then and there that I would do the same. I told my mom, who has always been so supportive of me (but was definitely worried about my food/fitness mindset), and I decided that beginning on that day, I would be more flexible about food. If I wanted to have some eggs, than I would. I would do my best to make them local and organic and fresh. If I wanted to have a bite of bread, I would.
And I did. Slowly but surely over the past year, I have become more and more flexible around food. If I listed off all of my "small victories" to someone who has never had a negative or confusing relationship with food, they would seem insignificant and silly and dramatic. But I know there are LOTS of people out there like me and Jordan who understand that eating a bread roll before dinner at the restaurant instead of sitting there silently while everyone else eats, is a huge feat. Or having a piece of cheese on the amazing, delicious-looking cheese plate at a party. Or only doing yoga for 20 minutes and having that be the only exercise all day. These are huge accomplishments in my book. Which makes me very happy, but also very sad, if that makes sense. I am proud of all that I have conquered through food and fitness, but it also makes it EXTRA clear to me that we need to spread the word: health journeys are a deeply personal thing, but maybe someone's journey can be made just a little bit easier when it is shared with another.
Reading Jordan's honest and genuine words through her blog, when she recounts days of struggle and days of success, has proved to be an integral part of my own journey. It is beyond comforting knowing that someone else, very close to my age, is dealing with the same, seemingly insignificant obstacles that come with recovery.
To me, Jordan is a true advocate for health and balance. She bravely writes about eating a steak tip salad, despite all of the hate mail she has gotten for "betraying" the vegan community. But she also writes about the green juices she loves to make. She proves, to me, that you really can have a balance with food. I can't believe how adamant I used to be about eating ONE slice of bread or ONE piece of cheese. I thought it would ruin me. Of course, these are still thoughts that pop up here and there, but I feel so much more pragmatic and level-headed about what I'm putting into my body. I'm still conscientious and aware of the quality and wholesomeness of what I eat and put in my body, but I am so so so much more relaxed than I was just a year ago. And I owe a huge thanks to Jordan.
SO!!! If you are down with balance and down with reading about one awesome young woman's journey to balance, I really encourage you to pre-order Jordan's book, Breaking Vegan. Here is her post about where to purchase it, and if you do, spread the word!
#breakingveganbook
with love, light and balance,
Court
